Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
