so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
