Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
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For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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