I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
