I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
