i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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