she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
