i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so let's talk penis.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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