oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
