it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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