there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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