im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
