This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
