too bad you live with your parents still
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
