I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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