i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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