Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
