The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
