youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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