You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
