Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
