your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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