just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
