Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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