Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
