I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
