chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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