All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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