it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
