True but thats because hes a fetus.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
