my shit smells like andre
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
