The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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