I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
