Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
