you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
