We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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