yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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