omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
thus making me awesome and them whores
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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