Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
