In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
