Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
