this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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