could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
