i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
