He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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