I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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