Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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