Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
