Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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