You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
