Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
