if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
