Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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