After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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