Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
