they said they heard you say put it in my butt
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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