so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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