Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
