I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
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If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
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But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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