I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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