Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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