Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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