I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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