alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
