You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
