We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
