3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
