It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
